As an official member of “The Media,” we are legally obligated to share every single one of our political opinions with you.
Blasted Science has, thus far, remained politically neutral on every issue. However, it is impossible for a media organization to ignore its conscience forever. There are quite a few controversial issues in America at the moment, and Blasted Science has a strong opinion about every single one.
Where We Stand on the Issues
Gun Control
Guns should be banned. However, it should be legally required for everyone over the age of eight to carry a class IIIb laser weapon on them at all times and its use should be entirely unregulated.
Health Care
Every component of the human body should be replaced with a robotic counterpart. The extra durability this provides should reduce the need of health care. At that point, heck, let the government foot the bill. It’ll probably cost like eight bucks a month total.
Abortion
Human children are annoying and should be replaced with mechanical versions as soon as possible.
Foreign Policy
Blasted Science refuses to recognize as legitimate any country that meets one or more of the following criteria:
- Has the letter A in its name.
- Is smaller than Texas.
- Has a leader with at least one X chromosome.
- The local dialect pronounces the word “robot” like row-baht instead of row-bit.
- Is purple on any popular world map.
Homeland Security
A government should never spy on its citizens. However, it is acceptable as a hobby if the NSA ever gets bored.
Free Trade
Free trade is fine. Great, even. So long as it’s the United States that’s getting the stuff for free. It’d be a lousy deal if we had to pay for the goods. Let Canada do that.
Conclusion
It should come as no surprise to intelligent readers that, based on the information above, Blasted Science is a proud supporter of the Transhumanist Party.
All hail Zoltan Istvan, the dark mage and founder of the Transhumanist Party.
We political folk at Blasted Science be liking the idea of people robots. That is all.